i was reading my 1st post back in 2008
and i think now i have a reason to right in this hot night
lets see what improved and degraded
doing a retrospective of my esotericism
ok so the reason i wrote these poem/songs
was because Charles Hamilton showed me being weird was a gift
to embrace my weirdness like the Loch Ness and keep people impressed
but i was still young in my mind just trying to understand the world
and tap into my hidden wisdom
i was working at Tim Hortons making doughnuts and fucking sluts in the backstore
i even started really loving the woman i call now my Karen
bought my 1st car before i even started writing but it ended 48 hours later
was more emotional then usual maybe because this blog contained my soul
started really learning American culture and my horniness level was going above average
met some bloggers who liked my thoughts and commented without hesitation
actually re reading my comment section i miss these peoples they acknowledge my cool
they kept me going without even knowing it
i miss Dominique and Brittany
i hope if one day you come back to my lair you see your names your eyes light up like flairs
i will never forget your word of improvements and determination in me continuing my writing
fast forward to when my own domain got very personal
at 1st it was a way to vent the excess stress the world projects
but now its a sanctuary for my own life and misery
more heartbreaks and lies in 2009
where i really started coming into my own and played with knives
made a pack with the devil he helped me thought my struggles
started losing my grip on reality slowly drugs induced my mentality
didnt have the moniker of Moody but in a year my tears would name me
never showed this to my family for me displaying was blasphemy
how could they understand that there grandson or nephew was born dead inside
i think my mom found out about it but she knows im the devils child so its ok
and never wanted to promote it i felt like if you find this your destined to understand the consequences
of reading and trying to comprehend the meanings of my late night venting
but one chick actually took so much interest she commented every text
now we hardly talk but i know she still fiends for sex and cunnilingus she didnt get
i could be her friend but shes too depraved for me to appreciate
+ she tarnished my already nasty reputation half the chicks in her zone know im a whore
male prostitute that will do you so good your body will be his food
now its whatever shes in her world and the relationship is down and under
now were in 2010
my life is more abstract then cooked crack
the whole chemistry of making and baking
brought me to how i am every morning
a self-destructive individual who doesnt know whats normal
ive indulge in so much these past years that my tears could be drank like a beer
the salty taste is my sadness mixing with my happiness
and the little hint of melancholy for leaving my beautiful Rivers Of Prairies
and the endless fornicating i endured while i missed her for countless hours
im a narcissist and tragically flawed i wish i was above my emotions
but sadly i cant even comprehend my own intentions
i used to cry alot when i started this blog
now my tears are mostly girls cum that sting me hard
i want to love someone and not be done in a few months
but i smoke too much and the only exercise i get is in the bed
i love women but i hate myself so every female who loves me is deemed a fool
and slowly lose my respect
im sorry to all of you ladies i hurt in the process of finding myself
my evolution is still a very slow process ...
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