Nicky Tramp & His Mind At 1:18 pm

i was explaining to my brother
that the whole physiology of love is over
i cant do it anymore
my feelings arent perceiving anything
im literally staring at abysses
internally useless
and recently sexless
all because my psyche's a mess
filled with regrets and joint ashes
i really want a girlfriend but i cant
im scared of loving again

Nick & His Mind At 00:31 Am

even if i pretend to take leisure time out of my mind
thats a lie to myself and to my life
im still over-thinking overdoing the drugs in my pockets
still having loveless sex
now with a woman who's twice my age minus a couple days
dont worry she's not the cure to my pain
but the placebo effect keeps me erect
intercourse is okay after she takes me out for pancakes
but nonetheless when im not engaging in sexual congress
i start missing my ex
and the love that i lost because of lust and fuck ups
my friends keep telling me to get over her
she's gone and she's probably having sex with another nigger
but i cant she was flawless to my fetishes

As the light from my bulb is slowly going numb,
i need a light to feel somekind of fright , 
i had intercourse with night and never called her back, 
maybe thats why i sleep on the grass with my bare ass , 
i live with monsters but they never pay rent , 
ive spent alot of my time to chase away these demons ,
but they wont hear it for them im there 2nd hell , 
my mind settles them with warmth and lust , 
like im on the street corner reminiscing of a slut , 
sometimes i fell and they helped me back up now they stare at me and wish me luck , 
they dont care there mind are elsewhere concentrating of helping themselves and there selfish intentions , 
and my heart is pierced from spears dripped in toxins ,
so antidotes wont save my soul , only burn more holes

I have never been good at explaining clearly how i felt about you , sometimes i thought
I was in in a lust other times in love but even if my feelings could of never been revolved
I am sure from the deepest part of my heart that i miss you
That looking in your eyes was the most profound , intense and painful feeling i've felt
A boy like me never deserved to be in your presence
The essence of a beautiful woman in love with a self destructive addict
Was something i could never understand but i never objected
But i wanted to stop me from hurting you
Im sorry
There is no way for me to apologize for everything
I love you
I will die loving you

Nick Moody & His Mind At 11:07 Am

how do i feel ?
why does my heart still feels like steel
liquid nitrogen couldnt even flash-freeze
missing her cant even be a concern
i was burned before birth
marked as wanderer on this earth
never finding anything forever
its not even sad
its only a feeling i've always had